I have an announcement to make: It's America's most special once-a-century event, not to mention that this is the first time the event will be celebrated.  It's 90210 Day!  That is, 9/02/10, or September 2nd, 2010.

Today, I encourage all of you to make out with your best friend's significant other, drive around in a convertible while your hair whips in the wind, and make sure to wear something that looks like any of these outfits:

Git up on that Ritz!!

How's THAT for sustainable methods of transportation?

 

[An outdoor bar in Toronto's Kensington Market neighborhood. Couples and friends in their late 20's and early 30's are seated in the patio, drinking, talking, and smoking. American tourists CANDICE and DANA are enjoying alcoholic beverages. After a long day of travel, CANDICE lights a cigarette. HOMELY MAN approaches CANDICE.]

 

 

HOMELY MAN:

Excuse me, can I have a cigarette please?

 

CANDICE:

(Reluctantly)

Sure.

(Glances at DANA)

 

HOMELY MAN:

I promise I'll get you back.

 

CANDICE:

Oh, that's no problem.
(Glances at DANA again.)

 

 

HOMELY MAN:

(Points to cigarettes.)

 

Hey, what kind of cigarettes are these?

 

CANDICE:

These are American Spirits. They're light.

(Hands HOMELY MAN a cigarette. DANA lights his cigarette.  CANDICE cringes as she notices that HOMELY MAN'S hands and fingernails are covered in filth.)

 

HOMELY MAN:

(Inspects cigarette closely.)

 

Is it good inside?

 

CANDICE:
(Glances at DANA, who is restraining a laugh.)

 

Um, yeah, they're good inside. I mean, I like them.

 

HOMELY MAN:

Alright, well thank you.

(Homely man walks away).

 

DANA:

That was so weird!

 

CANDICE:

I know! What does he mean, "Are they good inside?" What am I supposed to say? "Oh, they're filled with chocolate!"

(CANDICE and DANA laugh).

 

HOMELY MAN:

(Comes back to the table. He is removing the cigarette from his mouth.)

Actually, I don't like these. But thanks.

(He flicks the cigarette into the ashtray and walks away.  CANDICE and DANA exchange confused looks.)

10 MTV True Life Episodes You'd Never See

1. I Did Pretty Well in School This Year
2. I Have Good Self-Esteem
3. I'm a Competent Worker
4. I Don't Have Any Mental Health Problems
5. I'm Middle Class
6. I Crochet
7. I Don't Have Cancer
8. My Marriage is Still Going Strong
9. I Drink Responsibly
10. I Like My Parents

 

Okay, I'm just going to jump right into this one:  Building a mosque near the former site of the World Trade Center should not be such a big deal.  Even Mayor Michael Bloomberg eloquently and fervently agrees that the mosque should be built.  But it seems that not everyone agrees.

The MTA has allowed this ad to run:

The website listed on the ad above is sponsored by SIOA = Stop Islamization of America.   From their website: "SIOA is a human rights organization dedicated to freedom of speech, religious liberty, and individual rights; no special rights for special classes."

The Religious Right constantly talks about their right to exercise "Freedom of Religion," but I guess the First Amendment of the Constitution doesn't work if you're Muslim, because according to the logic posed by the SIOA, Muslims aren't real people, they belong to a "special class," right?

What else?  Well, a Grammy Award-winning songwriter just wrote this song, lovingly titled "We've Got To Stop The Mosque At Ground Zero."  Lyrics include:

Many Innocent Americans were killed
If we let them build it, can’t you see
They’ll turn 9/11 to a mockery

Guess what?  Muslims died on 9/11, too, and no -- not just the suicide bombers, but real, innocent people, people who were just as innocent as the Christian and Jewish people who died.

I am a born-and-raised New Yorker, and I lived here when the attacks took place.  I remember seeing the World Trade Center in flames from my high school window (I was a senior at the time), thinking my uncle who worked on the 101st floor might be dead (luckily, he survived).  I remember coming back to my neighborhood, blocks away from the Brooklyn Bridge, where everything was covered in debris.  I remember the scent of burnt metal that stayed in the air for months.  My mother worked on the Brooklyn side of the East River, and said that papers from the WTC had been blown across the water, falling down on to her and her coworkers.  And yet, my common sense and love of people as people says that most Muslims, much like most anyone in the world, are good people.

So one more thing. Please STOP calling it the Ground Zero Mosque.  It's called the Córdoba House, "an homage to the city in Spain where Muslims, Jews, and Christians lived together centuries ago in the midst of religious foment."

This past weekend, a West Virginia man with a dead animal for a beard was arrested for masturbating in a public park, near a church in a residential neighborhood.  He was caught with his you-know-what in one hand, and a mannequin in the other.

When asked why he did it, the man said he was "just trying to have a little fun."

Even better – the local police say they "have yet to interview the mannequin, so they are unsure if it was picked up off the street or the two met for a date in the park, however the mannequin is now being held as evidence."

 If anyone has $2,500 to spare, it might be fun to bail him out and see what else he is capable of.  Then, if you another $500, or maybe just a 12-pack of Schaeffer and some fireworks, you could bribe the cops to get you to bail out the mannequin, too.  Wouldn't it be great to get the real story from that plastic beauty?

Who's dumber?

YOU DECIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can feel happiness from my heart!

Everyone's favorite Twitter account, @Sarahs_View, is back up on the interwebz.  Why was it banned?  Because our profile Name said "Sarah Palin."  It took 10 days to be properly notified and given the opportunity to change the name to "Sarah Palin (fake)."  Twitter, come on.  Really?  It took that long for you to explain this to us?  A change that only took 5 seconds to make?  Shame on you!

 

Go on, girl, answer it with a wink!  See ya on Twitter!

Twitter banned our funny and totally harmless account, Sarah's View.  Why?  Well, they won't tell us, but apparently we were offensive.  Pretty interesting, seeing how Twitter is filled with homophobic, misogynistic, racist, and anti-immigrant rhetoric.

Wanna know more?  Click here, and sign the petition.

If I want to watch the news in NYC, I tend to watch NBC 4 News.  I'm not really sure why, considering how terrible their website has been.

The site still has their Facebook-like status update at the top of their page (this time: "Locals are intrigued by bed bugs"), and has almost no news.

8 million people here, and THESE are the "Featured" stories in New York City today?

Not sure about you, but I'll admit it -- I'm addicted to Foursquare, the new(ish) social media game that's rapidly gaining a huge following.  You can collect badges on Foursquare for visiting ("checking in" to) various places around your city.  You can collect badges for checking in to museums, restaurants, parks, and more.

I always want more badges.  As a New Yorker, I'm lucky, because there are more badge opportunities here than any other city or town in the world.

Lately, I've been thinking about other kinds of Foursquare badges that we could create.  Here are some we ought to try:
 

	Gacy You've successfully destroyed the lives of 3 children in one week! John Wayne Gacy would be proud.
	Terrorific Wow!  That's 5 check-ins in one week to secret Al-Qaeda locations. You're the bomb!
	Babyslasher Forget the "Babysitter" badge - it looks like you've found 3 abortion clinics in your city. Nicely done!